I know it sounds petty but…damnit, why not me!!!?

Home Forums Off Topic Other Things That Suck I know it sounds petty but…damnit, why not me!!!?

This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  YeahItSucks 1 week, 1 day ago.

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  • #9648 Score: 0 | Reply

    D8vid
    Participant
    2 pts

    It’s been about a month since I have been laid off, unexpectedly and just hours after being told that my co workers and I “…were fine…”

    I look around and see everyone getting new roles back with the company we worked with and I am very happy for them. The fear and panic tha we all knew that day whenwe got the news, that is now gone for them. How will I pay the mortgage, my HOA, student loans? Oh my god, what am I going to do about my health insurance? No longer do my colleagues have to worry about this, they have a breather, a reprieve, a stay…But, what about me?

    Everyday, I send out resumes, applications, make myself available, do my best to keep my mood up, stay active and engaged…but in the back of my head, in he pit of my stomach, the worry it grows, it smoulders within me. Is it envy (yes)? It is regret (maybe I should have not said this or not done that)? Maybe I am just flawed, not valuable, nothing left to give? I reach out and as each one of my friends and co-workers reports that they were hired at company x, that they just got an incredible offer with corporation y I feel that nagging and burning anger at the fact that I am still unemployed, the portal is getting smaller and smaller and the life lines that I have keeping me afloat can’t last for ever. And While I know that I am smart, have value and have a track record of bringing incredible value it is that little part of me that doubts, that has fear, that worries that wins the battle for my mind as the days out of work tick upward and onward.

    I am lucky that I don’t live here long, this place that sees only me, on the streets, myself and the cats homeless and destitute. And very lucky that I have only to reach out for support and within an instant, it is there and in spades. But these moments, they do come….they do come

  • #9649 Score: 0 | Reply

    YeahItSucks
    Moderator

    Hi @D8vid and thank you for expressing your true feelings about what you’re going through. I definitely don’t think know you’re not alone in the way you’re feeling. It’s something I’ve been feeling to some degree as I go through this whole job search process – which officially/really started in January. I gave myself a month to do it myself (since I rarely like to ask for help and have never needed it before) to see how I fare.

    Why do you think everyone else is being called back and/or finding new jobs and you’re still left with your search (which I’m sure is quite demoralizing)? Are you more senior than the others? Are you perceived as being more expensive?

    I’ve been bouncing around the idea of starting a job search team on here with some folks to share the job search “experience” with one another (and so one doesn’t feel as alone). Have you ever heard of it or would you be up for being a part of it?

  • #9798 Score: 1 | Reply

    D8vid
    Participant
    2 pts

    Well, I think that one of the issues is that I am panicking and making rookie mistakes. Right now, I am doing an audit of my resumes to ensure that my fear isn’t making me miss easy stuff, that my cover letters are on brand and that my portfolios are complete. I have to always remember though that I have to not live in comparing myself to others. I am completely and unapologetically myself and have to accept the good with the bad with that…maybe I am not just a fit…and that COULD be a good thing that they are passing on me.

    Reminding myself that I have a track record, and have accomplished a lot. I have to remind myself of that and be grateful for what I have done and will do!

  • #9814 Score: 0 | Reply

    YeahItSucks
    Moderator

    These are very true words, @D8vid. There’s so much to think about when interviewing and all the recruiters say you have to put your BEST self forward.

    It’s hard to do that when you’re panicking but it sounds like you have a better outlook on the situation now. I think the same thing… If it’s not a fit, it’s not a fit and we’re all better off. That’s a hard pill to swallow because we would like to be the one making the choices, but it takes a mature person to truly understand and accept that!

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